slowlanguidslowlanguid.shorter.era of forgiving.slow languid.tell me what you want slow languid and when they came in with a key I showed them the door.sky being there,slave also,also stars.Desperate Day.be me me bees.and birds.Horizons expand.passage to the world.magnified.allow to grow swell expand magnify.Images.Drowning together.hall of Bohemia.Into You.Brambles.no until.Flowflowflow.swim heather sun hills one yellow butterfly.Holding hands..will cross the road.My Hero.Pass by.Appropriate suicide.Stranger fervent.pass by pass by pass by.At the side of hunger.insideoutside way.songs are silent.Solitude.Night Odyssey.Strand sad sea.Aliens.slow love mix me.sudden fleeting smile suddenness talk to me talk to me.slow sudden longing.Songs three songs.for me for you.Child of the leaf.pretty birth nascent star little star upabovetheworldsohigh.me you me you.note note two notes.Christ was born.Danced Shiva.In Mecca,the moon rose high.Pink,checkered turbans.incense.Sunderbans.hundred decades.vegetable love.Andrew marvell.whore dramaqueen nauseating verbal death.normal oddities.donotspit.powerstorypowerplanpowerbriefpowerscript.lost slow languid day.Conniving hag.you me you me you me.slow languid lostday summersweatylost day.don't giggle don't laugh don't giggle.mower mows down the curve of the earth.killkillkill.Die slowly.Despair.the day.you me the galaxy.Windowsill.Cigarette ends.Charred.dreamless night sleepless night.unfazed slumber.accident. bonhomie.Begin the bonfire.Wonderwall.you me you me .two decades you gave birth to my distorted daughter.after me after you.night.flew into the night.Peterpan perfect.Fountainpen.youth of the fountain.son of Satan.Inside my eyes on the doorstep.you me you me.Lick an icecream.purplehaze.fifth dimension.Autumn.dhak.Durga Apu.dhak.meyoumeyoumeyou,do i know you?marry me.Fly off.rogue.songbird.take it away.sicklysweetlonelypukeysmell. me you illusion.songbird hero died.Let me go.closed blue door.Dingy walls.behind it moments infinite.naive.littlechild close your eyes littlechild close your eyes.littlegirl:give me back my brother.sob don't wish sob don't wish.Move don't move.altered age.lusty lust.rationality history notion perception.sum up.inside outside.Breton.sky water.peepee.Black coffee.mend the guitarstrings.song bird songbird write me a song.sing to me.lost little girl cries.songbird write me a song.youmeyoumeyoume.passby,Roadside.the gypsy path.
-peace-

• insane reverie.afternoonclass.slumber.consequence.
  

yet again i had a dream.

well,i have chopped off my hair.almost two weeks back.dear ma freaked out completely and lost her sleep for three days.But then she had had no other choice but to accept. now she is used to it.
That day,i  tried revisiting my childhood days.As i sat curled up on the windowsill,holding on tightly to the grill,at SreyaM's place..the sliver of dull summer sky looked morosely back.those days when innocence had scurried away to the rat-holes..as I tried to hold on to it with my old,teddybear,Baabee.and bits of lollypop.I still fondly and often bitterly,remember the long-haired,small girl with allthewideeyedwonder,sitting by the window at the old house,staring up blankly at the samedullsky,trying to fathom the meaning of it all,and having intense conversations with the crows.or the snails that crawled slowly by.
I remember the girl often sung.was painfully shy.I try to remember her..painstakingly dredging up old memories..lost inside a teacup.SreyaM with all her old-worldness and prudence, heard me out. Let me sob.told me about things i needed to know.Web of numbers. I have accepted.as i did earlier.Had no other choice.The little girl had tried to scream her guts out.the little girl hated bribes.the little girl had lost her song.The little girl grew up.Clumsily.

To SreyaM,am still the spoilt baby of the lot,who is yet,as she told me.."ironically mature enough".heh.She scolded me for not having my food properly.."clumsy girl!"and while enjoying a delicious lunch(consisting of pabda mach.paneer.aamer chutney),i realised she is the mum i have always longed for.I love my "surrogate family"hugtoall.

Well,it's good that I won't lose the friendship of fourteen years.and thankgoodness,that it did not end in a bitter note.thanks to SreyaM again for understanding so much.about everything.

you have turned me upside down.and I am topsy turvy.writing you a letter.the bluebird came down.asked for a worm.remain a stranger.bitter,weird.delved into you.sing me a song for sixpence.a lullaby.ask me to leave the kingdom.shall walk your path.count the stars in your sky.so tired.leaves have fallen.tired..tyres..crushing.no one.oneanother.eyes..stare.stairs leading to to the highway.red stare.void and null.zero clarity.zilch.synonimity.want.water.want.

Betrothal.

Trapped.killed inside.
The bird,plucked bare
Flutters its miserable little wings.
To fly into the night.
The yearning is palpable..
In the music of his heart.
It is dead now,lying hidden inside a heap of old ash.

The healthy,thriving,pathetic population survives.
Hardly mourns.

randomness yet again.

Well,I pierced my nose.On an impulse.just went and did it.I have been doing a lot of things on impulse these days.And oof,the heat is unbearable.even though when am in college,or anywhere else(read:footpath!)i rarely feel it.Today was a good day.after quite a few days of despondency,solemnness and reticence.Lots of us were sitting and playing nice,clappy games and making a complete fool of ourselves and loving it.Man,sometimes i really want to work my ass off.so that being immersed I forget everything else.planning to do that.results:well average yet again.what should one expect?listening to ONLY Dave mAtthews Band,Jimi Hendrix,And Norah Jones nowadays,weird mix.yeah.so.fuck off.I adore all O em.Have been suffering from intense bouts of loneliness,crabby moods and rudeness.well that's that.Was at J.U the other day.had phun.And that's THAT.

duck.

knotty messy
crappy life.
fill me with distaste.
let go.
retain peace.blow bubbles.
go green.
endless smoke.
insane laughter.
and a green tree.
over a grey footpath.
and the naive dog.

Monochrome.

It's been a long time since
I truly sobbed my heart out.
Have stopped thinking about the screams ensuing everynight.
I was blissful in the light.
Wrapped in the cosiness of a mistake.

Yet again,I long to soar.
High above the menacing clouds.
The rain will drench me,cling to me,
Like elves's wings-little drops of pleasure.
yes,I long to sin.
Dream of the sunshine.
Write letters beside a crooked house on a mountaintop.
And let the wind blow them away.
All the babble and the words,the blur and the bubble.
The empty hole in the house.

Loosen the rope around my neck.let me breathe.
Let me in.

it's that odd mix.of days.days filled with hopes,and dashed hopes,new dreams,plays,classes,French,friends,fun,Mad Angles,,music etc.Somewhere in between,i often get lost.Dada got married.And in the glow of his happiness everydayness seemed pretty.Weaved a whole lot of colours through that dirty cloth.Blushed.Wore sarees.And shot pictures.Loadsa.Of the bride who's a partner in crime and giggles.the rituals.Of three days of unadulterated warmth.of the tiny little bits which form a new piece of puzzle.of shubhodrishti,shindoor,shankha pola,and golda chingri. of running all around the place.getting praised and scolded and spoilt by a multitude of mashi,pishi,meshos and jethu's.of teasing dada.of the nostalgia at the old,old house.
Family weddings are wonderful.

French eggjam was quite okay.and at am clueless about what's happening at the studyfront in college.
otherwise,everything's pretty much the same.

And for the brown-eyed stranger.The mist seems new.

And i had had my fill of the mountains.It was a lovely trip.lovely being an understatement.I had thought of penning down every bit of it.but then I decided against it.some things just cannot be expressed in words.I loved Yuksum the best.a small,sleepy village surrounded by the mighty misty mountains.there was this little school.and the rosy-cheeked kids were a happy,mischeivous lot,always ready to pose for a snap.I have absolutely made up my mind to build a house there.and teach those kids.people usually begin their trek from there.Ru bungla was a beautiful place too but very quiet and so cold.We got the news of the assassination of Bhutto.The people out there are so poor yet so happy and blissful.they are not at all aware of what's going on in the world.they work so hard to make a living that they really don't care.yet in a survey it was discovered that Sikkim is the poorest yet the happiest state.am just rambling on because it's really impossible for me to describe the indescribable beauty,warmth,loveliness of the place.

The new year has begun with a great deal of zeal what with Xavotsav coming up,French exams,new places to discover,new plans to be made..a new start for R too.Though i really do NOT want to make resolutions specially:"I shall lose weight."Gah.I love my curves and i do not intend to lose them so easily.people change and I guess,i have changed a bit too.however,i really do not understand that much about the rapidly fluctuating changes in various facets of Moi.hehe.And I welcomed the new year with loadsa lyadh and isn't "the kite runner" an astonishingly wonderful book?I loved it.

College is fun and I intend to have unadulterated fun for a month,at least..oof am tired of studying so much.I just want to hang around,talk nonsense,annoy people and do all the crazy stuff.So stay put.

Dusk to Dawn

oh,listen.
Beyond it all,
There was light.Colours.Glitter.
And the wink of a beholder.
The mountains sombre and serene.
Winter in a chilly thrill.

[pause]

Yes,and i sense your solitude
I want to wrap my arms around you.
Am scared of your ache.
Scared to near death.

I want that warm,orange dusk
And hold you this close.
Nearby,there would be the star-spangled unknown..

On light feet your fingers tiptoed.

[the incessant song of crickets]

Unfurled like the new leaves in spring,
We drank our innocence.
Remnants of our glory,
We will pick after the lazy evening.

Meanwhile we shall tell some stories.