Pepper

I want words to paint it tungsten,to char my fingertips,to have darkness around me,to look at the sun..I want words to agonize,to rake my fingernails down your back,to create names,to stop the rain,to humour and have glowworms by my bedside..I want words to die in love,to wish for green umbrellas out of the empty nothings,to light the last cigarette of the day..I need words to drown in yesterday's ocean,to scream,to embarrass,to be vain..

randomblah

yes..everyone knows by now that I hate being stuck at home,with an awful,horrible cold..thriving principally on antibiotics and getting majorly high on coughsyrup..no,am NOT a coughsyrup khor..;) anyway..stoopido viruso.
during this time..I realised: 1) I detest flies.and they'll do anything to buzz and gnuzz the life out of you..especially when you are shivering under your quilt and was just about to fall asleep.
2) Feeling ugly sucks.
3)Chocolate chip cookies are a saviour. =) also,plain lovely steaming chicken stew.
4)Significance of certain insignificant,hideous,hypocritical,hateful people is weird.
5)It's funny as to how gullible I always have been and how uberly stupid.
6) Aren't kittties ze cootesht and ze fuzzhiesht and the most comfortable creatures on planet?
7) and where would I have been without you all? -moisteyes- no,seriously.

Also..certain songs am hooked to at the moment..
Let Go :Frou Frou.
Brighter than Sunshine : Aqualung ;) :D -sigh-
Wolf at the Door :Radiohead
Seven Years :Norah Jones (all time favourite..its me kindred song)
Soul Meets Body : Death Cab For Cutie. daroon.
Mr.Big : To Be With You. :)
Am all shook up and Jailhouse rock: Elvis always cheers me up..(gimme a doughnut,Shreo!)
Suddenly I see: KT Tunstall
High and Dry: Radiohead
Hurt :Nine Inch Nails
Megh peon : the Titli soundtrack because it reminds me of the hills.
Sunshine on my shoulders :Denver.

M

Defenseless on the ground I lay.
Tonight I won't stare for so long at the paint in the corner,peeling off,as I was extricated from your flesh and bone..
Preciously guarded adolescent secrets,questions,
the fragrance of hatred seemed to wear off,slowly..as I never ran to you as I wanted to-
and inhale the warmth of the free end of your sharee..
that I longed for like the yellow gates of an unknown building.

Again I sailed past the busy streets,
-a vagrant,as the sordidness around troubled and throbbed with the city lights.

It was savage enough to have drawn an old scar..
I wonder if it will be loved enough,again-,I wonder
if it will have enough sunshine.
you could have told me stories,instead of fabricating such an ugly
web of moments..

I could have remained a mere mound of flesh,a lost fairytale,a hundred-year dream,
a never-to-be uttered August fable.

I could have.

The evening that is.

The morning begun on a sad note..with me spilling coffee all over the table.However,mum ignored my blasphemous act by not screaming at me.I was bundled off happily to one of my best-friend-aunt's place..and she greeted me by telling me I look like a dope-addict and a nongra hippie..as an afterthought she hugged me and told me I look like a New York ka bhikhari..dunno what she tried to imply..but she also told me she loved me all the same.thankgoodnessforthat.heh.we rushed upstairs and had a long,long chat..after a really long time..and I was glad to find she was still as mad and as cool as ever..she told me about the latest developments..mesho's berserkness,dada's "bride-hunting" thingy..i could write a novel on that..it's ludicrous and hilarious..mashi sighed melodramatically.." Why doesn't he fall in love?"..well,poor dada!:D she declared her headache was gone with all my blabbering and we cooked together,not stopping the adda even for a moment..and then,after lunch,Pakhidi who has come down from Delhi,called.. and in her characteristic way commanded that we three just had to go for a movie,and catch up..
It started to rain..and mashi's place is like a dream when it's raining..I was having a quiet moment with myself, and she quoted smilingly..but thankfully didn't ask me any question.=) the rickshawwallah was pedalling slowly,and we felt so happy and nice,with the cobweb-like-drizzle and the drawing-of-lines across puddles..and the dreamy rainyness of it all. Pakhidi is still the cute,little dawling and after exulting for a few moments we realised that we were fifteen minutes late for the film..well,Chalo Let's Go made us all long for the hills violently.it's a nice film..but the narrative is rather jerky.maybe that was intentional..jaihok..it was fun.we had koraishotir kochuri and coffee after the film..and had intense adda..the conversation naturally veered towards berate jaoa which is not happening,sadly enough.What with the situation in NorthBengal and the busy schedule of Pakhidi,Saswatidi and me..we planned though..maybe a two-day trip during December..the four of us..and with the sharing of memories, snippets of philosophical speculations, laughter and poetry.. three hours passed so fast..me and Pakhidi sneaked out once and had a little chat about things which even mashi can't know..
These little,warm evenings mean such a lot..the cosiness,the conversation,the unspoken bond,stories,updates,leg-pulling and plans..and observations..and it's so cool to have such a coolcrazy aunt,I tell you.:)

happyhigh :D

I so feel at home nowadays..it's a warm,homey feeling with all the good things around me like fudgecookies, music and this overwhelming love filling me with boundless,insane joy..and this happiness I cherish..the songs play hide-and-seek..and this foreverness I adore..and I really love walking,matching footsteps with you,it's like walking down the hilly roads and losing oneself in the delightful fairy-dells here and there..where the lush green is dappled with sunshine and dreamy bits of shadow..where all the wonders mingle,and the good,old songs never end..it's like finding myself all over again and writing lousy poetry on happy yellow flowers..it's like tucking that flower behind my ear and having crumbly jam-tarts..it's like driving down the road to nowwhere,with the intense,scathing bluesky above,and the rain making music at the windowpane..it's like feeling reeeeeeeely good after watching When Harry Met Sally..it's like wishing upon a cloud..and watching a perfect,six-sided leaf float slowly down..and fear flees from this wonderful world,as tonight,after a long,long time..I sleep in peace.

It feels so good,indeed.-happysigh-