We arrived at a moment of consensus.
I wanted to go to the rooftop and stare at
the evening sky.
Maybe talk to myself and create
cloud-characters with a
Long storyline.
You wanted me to stay in and watch TV with
you, because you were
Asked to keep an eye on me.
We settled on neither.
When there was chaos inside my tiny brain,
because the bedroom door stayed
Shut.
You sat me down and oiled my hair, and tied
them into tight plaits.
You asked me – “What do you think they are
doing?”
I didn’t reply because there was no way I
could.
Mornings melted into doubtful nights.
Questions, and riyaaz, and gruesome make-up
on a bland face
Told me nothing I needed to hear.
Everything slowly fell into place,
As I saw them cry and make up,
But no one asked me anything at all.
Undeserved fingers explored what they could,
Asked me to tell no one, no one at all.
I wondered at the strangeness of it all,
As I stared at the painting on the wall,
I wondered at my body’s gall.
Weddings came and went,
I sparkled in my first well-draped saree.
Befitting my age.
He came up to me and spoke
And I responded like anyone else would.
Everything was ok till he landed up at my
door
And my mom asked me what else was in store –
She scrubbed me hard, as I raged.
And rubbed the tears off my face.
It was a dream like feeling
But I know it happened
I know so well
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