Monochrome.

It's been a long time since
I truly sobbed my heart out.
Have stopped thinking about the screams ensuing everynight.
I was blissful in the light.
Wrapped in the cosiness of a mistake.

Yet again,I long to soar.
High above the menacing clouds.
The rain will drench me,cling to me,
Like elves's wings-little drops of pleasure.
yes,I long to sin.
Dream of the sunshine.
Write letters beside a crooked house on a mountaintop.
And let the wind blow them away.
All the babble and the words,the blur and the bubble.
The empty hole in the house.

Loosen the rope around my neck.let me breathe.
Let me in.

it's that odd mix.of days.days filled with hopes,and dashed hopes,new dreams,plays,classes,French,friends,fun,Mad Angles,,music etc.Somewhere in between,i often get lost.Dada got married.And in the glow of his happiness everydayness seemed pretty.Weaved a whole lot of colours through that dirty cloth.Blushed.Wore sarees.And shot pictures.Loadsa.Of the bride who's a partner in crime and giggles.the rituals.Of three days of unadulterated warmth.of the tiny little bits which form a new piece of puzzle.of shubhodrishti,shindoor,shankha pola,and golda chingri. of running all around the place.getting praised and scolded and spoilt by a multitude of mashi,pishi,meshos and jethu's.of teasing dada.of the nostalgia at the old,old house.
Family weddings are wonderful.

French eggjam was quite okay.and at am clueless about what's happening at the studyfront in college.
otherwise,everything's pretty much the same.

And for the brown-eyed stranger.The mist seems new.

And i had had my fill of the mountains.It was a lovely trip.lovely being an understatement.I had thought of penning down every bit of it.but then I decided against it.some things just cannot be expressed in words.I loved Yuksum the best.a small,sleepy village surrounded by the mighty misty mountains.there was this little school.and the rosy-cheeked kids were a happy,mischeivous lot,always ready to pose for a snap.I have absolutely made up my mind to build a house there.and teach those kids.people usually begin their trek from there.Ru bungla was a beautiful place too but very quiet and so cold.We got the news of the assassination of Bhutto.The people out there are so poor yet so happy and blissful.they are not at all aware of what's going on in the world.they work so hard to make a living that they really don't care.yet in a survey it was discovered that Sikkim is the poorest yet the happiest state.am just rambling on because it's really impossible for me to describe the indescribable beauty,warmth,loveliness of the place.

The new year has begun with a great deal of zeal what with Xavotsav coming up,French exams,new places to discover,new plans to be made..a new start for R too.Though i really do NOT want to make resolutions specially:"I shall lose weight."Gah.I love my curves and i do not intend to lose them so easily.people change and I guess,i have changed a bit too.however,i really do not understand that much about the rapidly fluctuating changes in various facets of Moi.hehe.And I welcomed the new year with loadsa lyadh and isn't "the kite runner" an astonishingly wonderful book?I loved it.

College is fun and I intend to have unadulterated fun for a month,at least..oof am tired of studying so much.I just want to hang around,talk nonsense,annoy people and do all the crazy stuff.So stay put.

Dusk to Dawn

oh,listen.
Beyond it all,
There was light.Colours.Glitter.
And the wink of a beholder.
The mountains sombre and serene.
Winter in a chilly thrill.

[pause]

Yes,and i sense your solitude
I want to wrap my arms around you.
Am scared of your ache.
Scared to near death.

I want that warm,orange dusk
And hold you this close.
Nearby,there would be the star-spangled unknown..

On light feet your fingers tiptoed.

[the incessant song of crickets]

Unfurled like the new leaves in spring,
We drank our innocence.
Remnants of our glory,
We will pick after the lazy evening.

Meanwhile we shall tell some stories.

" Is there no way out of the mind?"-Sylvia Plath

Kid.

Far away
i lived

With two blossoms for peace.

Running in joy;blowing bubbles,
growing coy.

Pranced the afternoons with Olga Polga,
Floated with the noise.

Sense made no sense.

And I raced on the snails,played with the words.
Sprinkled water on him and turned him into Rain.

I stared.
He stared.
Everyone stared.
The world Stared.
Dirty stairways stared.
the Skin stared.

The days do pass.I wonder.procrastinate.look back.I do not cry.

People all around exist.On a significant other planet.The World shimmers before my eyes and I quite stubbornly refuse to associate.I do not feel the intense sickening pain.This ennui startles me.All the introspection in reality does no good.I play out sequences in my head.Two or three people conversing.laughing.arguing.They walk away.The new side of the world is distinctly novel.different.

I shall stop writing.

I wish I could flee from this blankness.

I am feeling extremely irritated.With everything surrounding me.Encompassing me.My semesters are looming ominously before my eyes.And I do not feel like slogging at all.The drive in me is lost.And I really feel people who think too much about themselves and of themselves will end up nowwhere.With no sunshine.

The film studies project is complete at long last.And it was brilliant.I felt so happy.Our own work.

I am tired.

TIRED.=[

Shout.

Carnage.A live slaughterhouse.And certain people enjoy such mindless destruction of human lives.I really do not care about the nitty-gritty's of this pathetic political system.I don't want to be on any damn side.I do not want to vote for YOU or You.

Democracy-"....is the theory that the common pople know what they want,and deserve to get it good.."Uh?is this democracy under any circumstance?And this capitalist government should change its name for Heaven's sake.I am noone but an apparently confused teen,but whatever is happening now is injustice.And the bandhs are an excuse for more violence:nothing else.Just the clashing of egos of two political parties.Not meant for the benefit of the people.Merely to win sympathy,further divide the population and to win the next election.And yesterday,when certain people were trying to protest silently and peacefully and civilly,they had to be manhandled and arrested.OF course,WE have the power,we just can't help being corrupt and have our own way.And We,the *leaders*??Starched,white punjabis,stupid moronic statements and utter falsehoods told glibly.The state is headed towards what?And industialization is supposed to be a boon.Why does it have to become a curse?Can there be no welfare without bloodshed and utter cruelty??Can we do nothing?

It has become a kind of autocracy.One party wielding absolute power and the other one regarded in poor light and that's sane and normal because the elder sister has bizarre ideas which are in totality,"so-not-constructive."Out of this crisis,one wishes desperately for the emergence of an intelligent,sensitive and sensible opposition,and the emergence of brilliance and not corruption.

I still hope for change.And write.Because I believe:"Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities."

hmph.

I hate You.And you and You.I think you are disgusting.Please oblige me by going wherever it stinks and wherever you are ignored and despised.If you think you are too big for your shoes why don't you prove it.heh.If u want to prove that am stupid..please come forward and let's have a match of wits.*die,you stinking being.*

........................

Excusez moi.Writer in an extremely bad mood.