Acrid, sweet September. Strange, almost prophetic weather. Destroying cells, biting asses. 

As expected, I'm okay. Lying on my back, inhaling love. Chasing fictitious mice, leisurely chewing on cloth. 

so what do you think
i know your brain's buzzing
with stories old and new
strangely it's like a riddle

what happened to the times i thought i knew
everything about everything

my blood honeys
i turn into a monkey
keyed into you, fitting
like glove, aftertaste of cinnamon

travelling with love
i leaped and jumped and found

our synchronised breathing, like the wheels of a caravan. 

I took a leap of faith.

I think of you occasionally. I miss your laughter. 

I like my hair blowing around my face, and settling down slowly. 

I feel crazy, as the world changes around me. 

It's nice, our eulogies are the same.

We can connect the dots and move across the universe. 

How to?
How to?

You come and go as you please, elusive night star

And I sway with you, your whims

I had a ball, I must say, with new love on my branch,

Friends, laughter, music and a fast, fast life.

I will remember and cherish every glorious morning and night

Every moment of camaraderie, every note of music, every doodle

And yes, my selfish love

Stands out like shiny green ink on a fresh new page.

I am not scared of losing this game anymore.

Humour will stand me in good stead.

Lonely nights, I won’t dread,

Will welcome them instead, with their dark cloaks and messy hair.

I wish my throat could swallow the hurt.

I wish I had the brains to analyse complex situations,

I wish you were ok, I wish you were here,

I wish you wouldn’t love me this madly.

I am just trouble.

afraid to break some bones?

Am I right in the things I am thinking, should I be even allowed to dream a little dream, sing a little song, hop skip jump fly taste?

I have a sun in my heart, shining crazily but I don't know what to do with it.
I have a friendly green monster to tame in my soul.

I think of you, your heart-shaped scar, but I let you fly away in bits.
I lie next to you, hearts beating in unison, dreams in focus, a whole lot of love.

Nowadays, I keep breaking into little pieces, as my best friends sail away. I feel rootless. I feel like scampering away to nowhere, where nothing can hurt. 

Come with me

Baby, are you running away, slowly, surely, peeling off skin and more skin?

Dusting off gathered dust, wiping the grime off my brow?

Bare boned beauty, I didn’t want this. I didn’t see your storm, the potential, the immense danger.

Yesterday, I cried over lost love, cried over a faraway soul sister.

Special places slowly fade, special places glow in the dark,

Like a million fireflies clustered together, dying together.

I would like to be your little darling; I would like to be my own too.

I don’t need my head to spin faster than this.

What do you think of me now, destroyed?

Do you want to be a pretty boy in my pretty, picturesque life?

I needed to mourn, needed to alter slightly, but we started walking.

And wave after wave crashed on the shore.

I swung back, feeling tiny, elated, sad.

I embrace the new, the wonderful

My heart warms inside

But I can’t stop these images inside my head.

Blurry, technicolour,

Like three years zooming past in super quick motion

But I am okay, I have to untwist.

I want to fall more, let myself go slowly,

I want to know you, your stories,

I want to memorise you,

I want to walk with you, take trains with you, read with you,

Feed cats with you, talk for hours with you.

Baby, don’t run away.

Stumble

I don’t know what to make of you.

So new, so alien, yet beautiful

I was falling, swaying with the wind,

I was walking backwards, compelled

To rethink, rearrange, walk into a wall

I wasn’t prepared, in all honesty.

Naked to the bones,

I held my head and moulded it constantly.

I don’t know what happened when

We started running,

Like strange children on a rainy day,

Splashing on puddles, holding hands,

Lisping stories, making faces

I am glad. I am learning to read your face.

Learning something new, something delicious everyday

I pinch myself every morning.

Trace my footsteps back, looking in vain at empty corners

I don’t know what to do about that either.

So much love I float

So much love I laugh

So much love I wonder

How did we stumble upon each other? 

Gone sugar

I would write a hate song if I could, hiss like an angry teapot and weave a tale of decay.

But I really don’t know how to deal with this mess.

I don’t know how to handle this headache, this constant flitting between fury and despair.

You may think its okay, shrug nonchalantly, smile indulgently, or maybe you are an adolescent, a miserable one.

I don’t know. I am not used to heartbreaks.

I miss you, your familiarity, your smell, your stupidity. I miss talking to you, fighting with you.

I knew I could come back home to you, you were a constant in this turbulence.

Now, I swallow gum accidentally, worry about dying from it and I don’t know whom to share it with.

How did it all come apart?

All arguments in my head come undone piece by piece. There’s so much to think of, so many wounds to lick, I don’t know where to begin.

I am trying to run away, savouring the anger, strangers, incessant revelry, and conversations with heart sick sisters.

Once alone, there’s only an acid aftertaste, and an acute sense of abandonment.