HAha.=X

yes that is Dear God smiling evilly at me.was that sentence an oxymoron?hmm.*ponders*
in any case,do you have ANY idea how difficult it is *not* to scratch a piece of your skin when its demanding and frantically pleading with you to do exactly that??I guess the unlucky victims *are* aware.On top of that,people are telling you constantly NOT to scratch when all you are doing is staring longingly at that vile,tiny prick of a boil.AND,your favourite people are miles away.and you can't catch a glimpse of them.And its WINTER.The city is throbbing with festivities and music.Our college is celebrating One-fifty years of GLORY,for Pete's sake.And You can just stare at the mirror at your erstwhile FACE,and wonder if this fascinating ugliness will EVER leave or not.Its not good.Thank you God,that ze parents are such wonderful creatures.*love*
Though both of them squabble about stupid things..despite me telling them that they resemble some old potty-faced crabby couple.*sigh*And I want to watch Slumdog Millionaire.I read the book by Vikas Swarup three years back.Poor thing.I heard he is really upset that these biggies are ignoring him,though.=\ *Silence*

*WAILS*
*WAILS LOUDER*

I miss Pookie(i need to hold him close and sniff his hair and laugh with him and see him smile so bad)(cheese indeed)I miss M(you KNOW,am dependent on you too honeybun).and O.And The Idiotic Shreo who keeps on lecturing me.idiot.I know EVERYTHING,logically speaking.But I don't WANT TO be PRACTICAL.i love you though.(lovestruck and all heehee)I MISS the entire jing-bang.='(

anyway,before i sign off.*melodramatic sigh*,i shall leave you guys with this:

=::::)

and this above mentioned squiggle is a smiley WHICH represents my spotty smile.heh.xD

First Page.

It"s tempting to let it all flow past,but impractical.The year has started,we are all confined to "the" routine.No attempt at resolution-making,because its futile.Frames have to be learnt.Jobs have to be done.And as I travelled the hippie road,things seemed new.Loony bin is there,with our heads sticking out.Give us all some peace.


To another beginning.
of rich warm colours.
keep knitting.
peace.

Oh i don't really know people,i just pretend to know them and feel important,play around with words,rolling them over,as they pass around smiles.I think i lied to myself,made up elaborate stories to keep myself happy,and now the danger of losing it looms ahead.
i love the lights in the distance as they blink and blind me momentarily,and mourn the loss of the special green book.everything slows down before breaking apart.
And i laugh and eat and put pieces of myself together as they should be,tightening each loop,training them to behave.I put on warmth as a costume and drink a little more.
i watch intently: inane arguments,significant discussions,intellectual gibberish,not so important conversations,television.I watch you,slowly slipping away.i want to stop.
I want to tighten the pieces inside me a little more.I want to talk a little more,about everything and nothing,and of course I can't make sense all the time.I don't want to cry myself to sleep and wonder about it when i wake up.and watch FRIENDS every night as if that would solve everything.I am scared to pretend,am scared of asking for more.

Critic

I looked out of the window.
Thrice.
Maybe was looking for something brighter.
Then I woke you up.
That side of your face,bristly,brushed against mine,
you smiled.
Asked you if you would like some coffee.
I was glad to be on a train,rocking us to sleep.
I was glad to be on the move.
I know you loved the frayed,yellowed interiors.
I know you loved the music.
And that stolen cigarette by the window,the night air cool against our faces.
Your mouth warm against mine.
When there was a knock at the door.
......................

Drink to That.

I would like to apologize for all the smiles
when I thought that the sun would shine so bright,warming
one side of my face.
Beyond the dust am looking for something,beyond this circle,
I have a sore spot-something which I can't place,something which can't be real,something which is not happy.
I can't redeem.Or compensate.
I can't put on a fake smile.I can't not help.
Am no guardian angel or anything.
Am just an ordinary,commonplace person,beyond which I Can't see.
There is a sore spot.I can't place it yet.

The holidays have been wonderful..really.Had a glorious time..doing nothing,studying zilch..walking around,shooting little bits,getting high,being totally starry-eyed..but it's the end of it now.College is starting from Monday and the attendance-shit is bugging me.but to hell with that..what an amazing pujo i had this year..everything was very special indeed..and so the wonderful days deserve this tiny piece of post..i guess..
so long.
i have to get back to serious,hard work.
-sigh-

today,after ages,i am having a lovely,homey time.Despite the sore throat and the persistent toothache.No one's at home.Cooked chicken and had a happy,full lunch.Smoked in peace.Had a long comfortable bath..without no one screaming:"Are you sleeping in the loo?" =)
Listening to Susheela Raman.That woman is amazing,i tell you.
After the last few hectic weeks of the shoot,it feels fantastic..
Now,I shall go and watch Scanner Darkly and eat chocopie.
Cheers to me and lazymaking.

Season.

The mellow sunshine is charming...i really like the way..as i lean out of my window..it envelops me in a warm embrace..
To think that a year ago I din't know that there was someone like you in this world..=)
.........
I want to bottle your smell and store it inside an ancient cupboard.
.....
" And I do believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes,But If the Silence
takes you there,I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes I hold you near,cause you are the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.."

Am sipping a cup of citrus tea and nursing a deliciously sad blue feeling. -sigh-
The last few days were magnificent..that being an understatement.
Am rather devoid of words right now..
Am feeling restless and sad.the streets are so empty....
Shubho bijoya everyone.

all that.

yes,this cold is killing me.NOW.as the cityair reeks of pujo and everything good.And,i am hopeless about certain things..like The Beatles,midnight,and the mountains..am missing them terribly,terribly..it's been almost a year that i haven't breathed in the fresh,tingly air..or walked those narrow,quiet,steep roads..i wish i could just wake up one morning,pack my bags and leave..
and i walk around swathed in green..past the roads which screech out your name,past the shadows above and below,
it's THEN..when the importance of being NORMAL hits you.
I've had enough of multiple people speaking inside my head.
Don't you realise..I wear your words as an armour and place them side by side on my flattened skull..as they turn into poetry..full of indefinite lines.
I've had enough of mornings.
.
Don't you realise i want you to belong to me wholly..like a brazen,brilliant desert wind..
and i've had enough of uncertain centuries,dramatising,and journals.
and i have infinite things to tell you today and everyday.like,
dreamless cities..toothless aches..