The days do pass.I wonder.procrastinate.look back.I do not cry.

People all around exist.On a significant other planet.The World shimmers before my eyes and I quite stubbornly refuse to associate.I do not feel the intense sickening pain.This ennui startles me.All the introspection in reality does no good.I play out sequences in my head.Two or three people conversing.laughing.arguing.They walk away.The new side of the world is distinctly novel.different.

I shall stop writing.

I wish I could flee from this blankness.

I am feeling extremely irritated.With everything surrounding me.Encompassing me.My semesters are looming ominously before my eyes.And I do not feel like slogging at all.The drive in me is lost.And I really feel people who think too much about themselves and of themselves will end up nowwhere.With no sunshine.

The film studies project is complete at long last.And it was brilliant.I felt so happy.Our own work.

I am tired.

TIRED.=[

Shout.

Carnage.A live slaughterhouse.And certain people enjoy such mindless destruction of human lives.I really do not care about the nitty-gritty's of this pathetic political system.I don't want to be on any damn side.I do not want to vote for YOU or You.

Democracy-"....is the theory that the common pople know what they want,and deserve to get it good.."Uh?is this democracy under any circumstance?And this capitalist government should change its name for Heaven's sake.I am noone but an apparently confused teen,but whatever is happening now is injustice.And the bandhs are an excuse for more violence:nothing else.Just the clashing of egos of two political parties.Not meant for the benefit of the people.Merely to win sympathy,further divide the population and to win the next election.And yesterday,when certain people were trying to protest silently and peacefully and civilly,they had to be manhandled and arrested.OF course,WE have the power,we just can't help being corrupt and have our own way.And We,the *leaders*??Starched,white punjabis,stupid moronic statements and utter falsehoods told glibly.The state is headed towards what?And industialization is supposed to be a boon.Why does it have to become a curse?Can there be no welfare without bloodshed and utter cruelty??Can we do nothing?

It has become a kind of autocracy.One party wielding absolute power and the other one regarded in poor light and that's sane and normal because the elder sister has bizarre ideas which are in totality,"so-not-constructive."Out of this crisis,one wishes desperately for the emergence of an intelligent,sensitive and sensible opposition,and the emergence of brilliance and not corruption.

I still hope for change.And write.Because I believe:"Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities."

hmph.

I hate You.And you and You.I think you are disgusting.Please oblige me by going wherever it stinks and wherever you are ignored and despised.If you think you are too big for your shoes why don't you prove it.heh.If u want to prove that am stupid..please come forward and let's have a match of wits.*die,you stinking being.*

........................

Excusez moi.Writer in an extremely bad mood.

The Rickshawallah.

The path was wet.
The smell of musty earth,went inside
With him.
Did'nt you notice the fervent dreams?
His ardour surfaced.
Walking on,never yet meetingthe person..
There was this rawness around him.
He carried another soul in his pocket.
Smiling a crooked,guileless smile,he showed me,
the soggy ten-rupee note.
Delving further,brought out a small,
pink candy glistening inside the sparkling,white cover.

The Earth had never been a better place.

Freedom.

From the black cage,she waved.
A puppy with adorable paws ran;
Into her arms.Cuddling it.She felt.
Alive.

She cooked fish and garnished it with pepper.
She watched the crimson sun going down.
I wish you would tell her a story.
And rock her to sleep.

Struggle.

Two in the night.
Waking up:
I see the shadows creating myriad
Circles on the wall.
Wrestling with one another they mingle
With the tiny rings of smoke.
Thw wine red sky outside.
The nook of your elbow.Confused moments.
It's a battlefield outside;and a huge blank space inside.
Feel like stepping out of the brown shell.
I see in your eyes .......... hurt.
Without even realising,I am raking up old,dry,ancient leaves.

Days.

I have writer's block.I am certain.am absolutely,disgustingly unable to write anything. Dunno how.It's as if the words have become rock-stubborn,pulling back the harder I try to extricate them.The canvas is entirely blank.Are they rebelling?

The festive days are over.Last month was a flurry of events and mundaneity as usual.basically was bekar except for the days when i finally became tired of lazing around and struggled with the term paper on medieval ENglish Romance:quite enjoyed the exploits of the knights and Sir Arthur.Don't mistake me for a nerd though.Shopped.bought cute socks and was delighted with myself for no reason.anticipated the five days.made a lot of weird plans which actually didn't work out.Fell in love with Bertie again(!),quietly.Evaded the poetry discussion.well..it eees inevitable but.Autumn skies lured.Grew restless by the minute.me and Ish sat on the ledge for 80 minutes and sang.over-ate too.HAd terrible moodswings.Fought like a psychotic.I have a very understanding guy who makes me impatient sometimes.The unpredictable weather brought out the snappyness in me.thingsathome-front getting worse.I depreciated myself and I know I am right in doing so.am worse than what I think myself to be.

An amazing day it was the day she arrived in all her glory.Blue skies,and the typical torn bits of clouds.Her eyes glowing,and tilottoma all adorned.Huge ads beside the pandals and the spirit of the restless Rizwanur lurking somewhere near the Todi residence to catch a glimpse of Priyanka.

The six days of endless joy.Of making plans.Of less of pandalhopping,more of standing in the midst of Golpark and making insane conversation.And hogging like hell.Furtive phonecalls at night.Buying old newspapers for five bucks and squatting down for hours interviewing the poor guys on their"weird"interests.hehe.of suddenly staring into space and getting depressed.of again being snappy.Of counting everything before they are conceived and crying.

Missed bhashan.the next few days of utmost laziness.And staying over for weeks at Shreo's and never getting tired of each other.[though we often pretended so.]the photos taken at the Park Street cemetery.Learning how to make wacky things wackier.And bitching at the unearthly[for others]hour of 3:00 A.M!!My kittens have grown up.they are the most adorable creatures on planet.VB's birthday was mindblowing.And the cakes were amazing.though poor D was punched and bruised because I realised that the guys were feeding the poor me generously with a nice innocentlooking piece of cake which was lying on the floor.eww.Sruggling with French.Sameersir is brilliant and he makes us laugh so much that we end up learning something at least.I always screw up my verbs though.taking a break from mushiness.and planning to study which never happens.

There's a nip of winter in the air.The days are getting shorter and am often shivering with people laughing at me.I bunked the photoshoot today.not feeling very well.And I vow I shall write...i just have to.Colours.And black and white melt into each other.I have to pull myself up from the sludge.

And.Yay.My house got painted.I like the smell of fresh paint.My room's blue.I like most the exhaust fan in the little loo of mine.that's such a vibrant shade of blue.

I am complete now.We are a Perfect Circle.In the transcendental sense~whatif'sifwhat's.The poster says there is something inside me.With one eye and a weird smile.My demon.My scar.Healed.But such wounds remain.What is the end of time ofnowwherebeyond?Emptystomach-hallucinations.Fullstop of a F.U.L.L.S.T.O.P. I lie down defeated on the elvenpath.

WEdnesDay

Tired Of being weary

Weary of being innocent.

Just wish this helplessness would cease.

I can see the mountain beyond the gray treetops.

And I can walk for miles in the wet dust.

Just wish this meaningless blur of activity would end.

It's an upside down midday.

And the coffee's gone cold.

My fingertips ache.

To express.

[The real purplesqueness].